Specialist Advice — 13 minutes
The mental load weighs heavily on women
Cassandra and Tom are parents of two young children and lead challenging but demanding careers. They decide to go on a weekend getaway – just the two of them. Every night, Cassandra replays in her head the list of things to do before Saturday:
- Gather the personal belongings of the children, who will be babysat at grandma’s house (without forgetting the comforters and toys).
- Renew the son’s EpiPen prescription.
- Pick up the clothes from the dry cleaner (for Monday’s presentation).
- Give the keys to the neighbour, who will come to feed the cat.
- Bring the phone charger to keep in touch with grandma and the neighbour.
Although Cassandra and Tom have the same work schedule and normally share the household chores equally, Cassandra is exhausted on the morning of their departure, unlike Tom. The reason: the mental load.
The mental load refers to all the “invisible work” that needs to be done to keep daily life going and involves constant demands on cognitive and emotional capacities.
Cognitive labour involves thinking about all the practical aspects of household responsibilities, such as organizing outings, running errands and planning activities. Emotional labour involves acting as a safeguard for the family’s emotions. An example would be establishing calm when the children are throwing tantrums or worrying about their school marks.[1]
According to a study by Allison Daminger published in 2019 (The Cognitive Dimension of Household Labor), the person who performs the bulk of the cognitive and emotional labour in a heterosexual couple, meaning the one who carries the mental load, is most often the woman.[2]
The concept of mental load is not new. Sociologist Monique Haicault introduced it in an article entitled “La gestion ordinaire de la vie en deux” published in 1984 in the journal Sociologie du travail.[3] Since then, it has been the topic of mostly interview-based or survey-based research.
The Allison Daminger study mentioned above was conducted with heterosexual couples and examined the sharing of family tasks. It identified four components of the mental load:
- Anticipating needs
- Finding solutions to meet them
- Making decisions
- Monitoring progress
This study revealed that while couples make decisions together, it is the women who do most of the work in anticipating needs, finding solutions and following up.[2]
Over time, the mental load can be physically and mentally draining for those subjected to it.
The ruminations it creates can lead to stress which is known to affect physical health. Over the long term, stress can adversely affect bodily functions, including those of the heart, intestines and reproductive system.
Sometimes, the mental load is so intense that plans and organizational tasks for the family unit interfere with work life (e.g., phone call from the daycare because the little one has a fever, appointment at the pediatrician, grocery shopping at lunchtime, etc.).
Add to that the high demands of the workplace to be productive, be available and perform, and it is easy to see why work-life balance is difficult.
The Réseau québécois d’action pour la santé des femmes (RQASF) is not surprised that many women are overworked.[4] It warns of the risks that an overwhelming workload can have on women’s health:
- Anxiety disorders
- Burnout
- Depression
In fact, Statistics Canada reports that depression is almost twice as common in women as in men.[5] This is not counting all the other collateral problems that an overly heavy mental load can cause, such as insomnia, lowered libido, tension and relationship breakdown.[6]
Symptoms to watch out for
The following symptoms could indicate that your mental load is too heavy:
- Feeling like you never have enough time
- Feelings of guilt, of not doing enough
- Extreme fatigue
- Sleep disorders, including insomnia
- Mood disorders, including irritability
